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I thought, without thinking, without realizing, truly unknowing, thought that if I can only create a personality that everyone loved, then I would be loved? What an amazing, interesting, giving, funny, beautiful, selfless, edgy, stylish person I became, yet alone. I thought if I could get a man to profess a proposal and he would have to go buy me a diamond, that the diamonds was a sign that I was worth it, yet I was never more alone than the day I walked down that aisle. The house, the eccentric art, the self made, the clothing, the neighborhood, that made me original no? My intellect, my all knowing of everything I could get my eyes to absorb, would make you want to speak to me. What a climb of dust and meaninglessness. Not even my parents wanted me. I wasn’t worth living for, fighting to live for. I wasn’t worth it and down to this minute I carried this lie with me. Do you know what this lie has done and how much time it has wasted and stolen of my life? You see my worth doesn’t come from your opinion. My sense of belonging doesn’t come fro belonging on the outside as much as its knowing I am a friend, a daughter, a listener, a seer, a warrior and most solemnly I am majestic to my father. My father who is the creator of life. To be so out of control I hung on to one thing that no one could control not even God and that was suicide. To be able to be completely out of control inside but to think I still had some sense of control. deat seemed so peaceful. It made sense on paper to feel so unwanted, to give the best you got and it not be enough was the cherry on top of me that pushed me into other emotional execution. My friend, you are a great friend, as as the storm is in its final stages in the sky, know that you are in the stillness of my rainbow. Although the evidence of time is long winded, time has a reason. I do not rush, I do not push, because I am a perfectionist and you , my daughter were and will never be alone.